A new world order

After spending half the day in Beirut I came to a few realizations about Lebanese politics. After I got back up into the mountains I asked some people things about politics. I should point out that this is a tricky undertaking. Middle Eastern people are very passionate about politics and one wrong move is enough to get you (figuratively) hanged! Perhaps its not so figurative in the theocratic states, but I don't live there and I don't plan to go there for quite some time, so I'll brush up on my theocracies when I need to. In Lebanon there are supposedly 60-65 political parties. I can't name a single one of them. I think there are several different socialist movements (progressive, conservative, neo) and probably a half dozen or more movements devoted to theocracies, and probably every special interest group you can imagine. In fact, now that I think of it I can name one. They are called "Defenders of the Cedars." Their platform is to make "Lebanese" its own language and bring back the old Phoenecian alphabet. I think this is completely retarded, but I don't say so in public because I'm sure I've met someone who is friends with someone in said group and would be quite upset with a foreigner expressing such a view. Nonetheless, while I'm writing and not naming names, I think they are ridiculous.

Alright, with all this special interest nonsense something has got to give. In Lebanon the highest positions in the government are determined by the religious groups with the most adherents. Again, in Lebanon, with all the special interest groups there are 18 different recognized religious groups. Among them (I can't remember them all) Are Maronite Catholics, Melkite Catholics, Greek Catholics, Greek Orthodox, Armenian Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Protestant, Sunni Islam, Shia Islam, Alawite Islam, Druze, and Judaism. Yeah, that's right! Lebanon recognizes Jews as actual people. So all you nay-sayers elsewhere should look to Beirut and see how it's done. But before I get too far ahead of myself there are other things to know.

According to the last census the government gets structured as such:
The President is a Maronite Catholic.
The Prime Minister is a Sunni Muslim.
The Speaker of Parliament is a Shia Muslim.

The real problem here is that the last official census was taken in 1932. Oops, sorry about that Sunni Muslims... It's totally clear here that Sunni Muslims are the largest religious group in Lebanon. That too is changing. The Shia are growing and growing as Hezbollah <--- not a fan gains more popularity. Iran and Syria are backing these (I can't think of them as anything other than trouble makers) and Iran and Syria have large Shia populations. Besides, why not be Shia when you only have to pray 3 times a day and can have 4 wives? The Sunni have considerably more moderate practices (in western eyes). Well, in a RARE statement, I'm going to agree with the Shia sect of Islam in Lebanon. Lebanon should certainly reconsider who gets the presidency. The Shia want a fully "democratic" election. As it stands, parliament chooses these three spots, and that's what the Shia (and Hezbollah <--- not a fan) want to change. The "true" democratic election called for by Shia to my ears sounds like "an election in which only those we want on the ballot are on, and only those we let vote get to." This is where I start to diverge with them. I'm ok with "true" democracy, and I'm also ok with religiously based seating within the government if that's how they want to do it, not my first choice, but ok.

Here's how I would restructure the whole ordeal if I were king of Lebanon and had to relinquish my thrown in an election...

First, I conduct a census. I will ask a lot of questions about religious identity. What this will show is essentially the truth. I will basically show that the vast majority of Lebanon is non-practicing people with some religion in their past. I will then establish new recognized religions within Lebanon. Secular, agnostic, atheist, and maybe a host of other mildly bizarre religions just to appease the people. I'm a benevolent king afterall. My bet is that the following governmental structure will then fall in place:

Presidency goes to a secular person (christian, muslim, druze, jew, no matter, so long as they as believe in some God and don't practice).
Prime Ministerial position goes to Agnostics.
The Speaker of Parliament will probably be a Muslim of some variety.

I think that sounds a lot more accurate than the backwards system in place here now. This however, will never happen because Europe surely doesn't want a Shi'a president in power in Lebanon. Afterall, for the time being and (Insh'allah forever) Lebanon will be the beacon of the middle east and the gateway to and from Europe to the Arab speaking world. Beirut is on the rise, and I, for one, don't care to have religious zealots ruin that for the rest of the world.