Be careful which bus you choose!

After what I would consider a successful trip by myself to a foreigners haven in south India I had to actually return back to Chennai. The train seems mildly complicated as there are no direct Thursday trains from Pondy to Chennai. I would have to take a train about 25 miles out then catch another train at that junction (villapuram) back to chennai. Lots of delays, etc. It's hard to tell what time one would get home.

I had spent the afternoon sitting in a coffee shop owned by a woman from brooklyn with a man who lives in Chennai and is working in Pondy this week. He's from Washington, DC, but has been in India a couple of years now. He told me to simply catch the express bus via ECR (east coast road) back to Chennai. It's cheap and something like a 3+ hour bus ride with only a couple stops. To add to the benefits of taking the express bus, the second stop in Chennai is at the train station just below my office. I could hop a bus, hop a train and in no time be back at the apartment.

I ask how far the bus terminus is. It's about a kilometer from the coffee shop. I set out on foot, bottle of crappy brandy in the bag and everything. I'm not exactly ready to leave the relaxed atmosphere of the French quarter of Pondy, but I suppose I should go back to my place of employment. I find the bus terminus just where I was told it would be. It's another zoo and I'm completely confused. Announcements, no way. Proper signage, not exactly. Way too many people, you bet! Pollution, tea and coffee stands, a traffic nightmare, hostile surroundings, BIG TIME! So I wander around for a little while and make my way to the chennai bus stand. I'm told I don't need to buy a ticket in advance, the bus goes every 15-20 minutes 24 hours a day. SWEET! I can come and go when I please. So I hope the next bus to Chennai.

What's this? It's not the express bus. I guess my first clue should have been that the fare was too cheap. I paid Rs 55 for the ticket back home. We set out with a gora (me) and a lot of Indians. We hit East Coast Road and I think, alright, on the way back to Chennai, where I'll feel uncomfortable again. Then we immediately veer off ECR and into the bushes. I have NO IDEA where we are. We make a stop, and another stop and another and another and more people keep crowding on. At some point before we even get to the TN state line two kids jump on the train and bring four BIG boxes labeled "goods." They jump off paying nothing and collecting no money. Crowded and more crowded. We reach the TN state line. This however is not like coming home through Sam's Gap or down through Cumberland Gap or up through Chattanooga, this is the jungle. We start riding through the jungle. People jump on, they jump off, they are all paying different fares. Squeezing in more tightly than I'm comfortable with. I completely certain the weight limit of the bus is exceeded at one point since there are at least 25 people that I can count standing with all the seats taken two and three and four to a seat.

To make a long story short, NOT THE EXPRESS BUS! I somehow managed to get on the wrong bus when I was standing at the express bus stand! What the hell happened? Well, it took nearly 5 hours to get back to Chennai. When we got to Chennai, we were going to the Bus terminus there. I don't know where the bus terminus is. I refused to get off the bus until I recognized something or I was kicked off. I was kicked off.

I should mention, that I haven't eaten in 9 hours because the bus doesn't have snacks like the train does. I should also mention, there is no latrine. I should also mention that no a single solitary word of English was spoken on the whole trip. I should also mention I had to urinate worse by the end of that bus ride than I have ever had to urinate in all my life!

I had to catch another rickshaw home because I wasn't within walking distance of the train. The rickshaw driver explained to me we were 22 km from where I wanted to go and that it was 10 Rs/km. He is right about the 10 Rs/km. He completely lied about the 22 km. Mosquito! I had agreed to pay him 250 to take me directly to my apartment. Of course, he didn't know where my apartment was, he had to stop and ask directions. My stomach is hurting now having not eaten in 10 hours and the roads he drives over are particularly terrible to deal with in a rickshaw whose shock absorbers haven't seen service since the factory floor.

In the end, be careful which bus you choose!