Thursday, December 31, 2009

Ringing in the New Year in Lebanon

I think I've finally decided to give up trying to have fun on New year's eve. The last 7 of 8 have been total busts. This year was no exception. I don't know why I would assume that I would have a party to attend given the situation I'm in. I've been around noone but family for two full weeks. Here in Btekhnay there are no bars, few restaurants, no night clubs, and only a handful of cafes. All the night life in Lebanon is concentrated on the coast (and in the summer Zahle is a big party town). At some point earlier in the day one of my cousins tried to explain to me that this year instead of having a party, the family had elected to stay in. One of my younger cousins dressed up as papa noel and they did a ceremonial gift exchange (since christmas isn't exactly a holiday in this town). It was a nice show. It was further explained to me that the standard thing to do (away from Beirut) is to play cards on New Year's Eve. I said that cards to me are a tuesday night activity (and sometimes wednesday night too). I ended up playing a game called 7 1/2 which is similar to blackjack, but the betting strategy is slightly different. I was getting killed at first and then made huge bets on two very fortunate hands, so I won the night. That took me up to 10:30. Then I went searching for a party. Epic failure. No party. I rang in the new year at my aunt's house with everyone except one cousin going to bed. So that cousin and I drove around searching for a party. Again, total failure. Oh well. We killed a bottle of good lebanese wine and I had my first beer of 2010 (pronounced "twenty-ten" instead of the cumbersome "two thousand and ten").

Although I didn't attend a party, I enjoyed the fact that the fireworks were abundant! I went outside to see them, and since we're almost atop one mountain looking into a deep valley, I got to see fireworks from our side of the mountain, and from across the valley. Lots of houses have fireworks (again the whole status thing... Our fireworks are better than your fireworks). Somehow though, underneath the eerily full moon passing through thing whispy clouds I imagined those clouds and smoke from fireworks were the aftermath of bombs. I started feeling for a moment what Lebanon must have been like for nearly 20 years. So while that particular thought wasn't in the spirit of celebration, I realized it's at least something worth celebrating here. We've made it through another year and right now we don't have a war in our homes. May the next year bring the same!

To all of you around the world a very happy new year and I hope you are picking up for my slack when it comes to appropriate celebration (i.e. inebriation).

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Old cities and Excavations

A few hours northeast of Beirut (as far as you can go in Lebanon) is a city called Ba'albeck. It encompasses some of the world's finest Roman ruins. I didn't make it this go around, but I fully intend to see it again next summer. I went once when I was a kid and into old things, like roman ruins. It was cool for me then. Since then I haven't returned. One particularly cool thing about Ba'albeck is that is was standing in nearly "perfect" condition until an earthquake knocked over most of the really impressive structures. The year: 1776. I'm not kidding. I guess that was the year that Lebanon knew things would be bad for a long time...

In any case, this post is not about Ba'albeck. I didn't go there. I've been trekking in downtown Beirut most of my "free" days. Today I met up with one of my math professor friends in downtown Beirut and tooled around some more. Something I hadn't done was to go into any of the cathedrals downtown. I went into two cathedrals named St. Georges. One for the Greek Orthodox diocese of Beirut, one for the Maronite Catholic archdiocese of Beirut. Both were exquisite! Both, were very old. In between them however was a sight that looked like a huge archeological dig. I don't know how I missed it. Apparently it's just on a side street in the freaking middle of freaking downtown Bei-f-ing-rut! I took some pictures(sadly not shown here) and realized that this must be something Roman again. It was at that point that I realized (being between two churches who have very long standing roots in this part of the world) that Beirut has really been around a long time! There are several places near downtown where such digs can be seen from major thoroughfares.

I began thinking about who has been here, and what they might have built. My guess was all the major Mediterranean empires (greek, roman, ottoman) as well as Genghis Khan <---- totally bad-ass and possibly some others. Well, that leaves a lot of mixing up of everything. Religion, politics, genepool... all got mixed by being conquered so many times. It has, however, left some truly fine sights to see. Part of what makes me happy to see such things is that most of the ruins don't have known stories and thus haven't been turned into tourist destinations. Another nicety involving these ruins is that from street level, they go WAY down. This speaks to the fact that Beirut has been conquered and rebuilt so many times. I think one sight near the port of beirut must go down nearly 35m (over 100 ft perhaps further, I couldn't see the bottom from the angle I passed by). I hope they don't have to deal with the conquering anymore, but it seems with today's political situation in the middle east it will at least have to be rebuilt (in part) again and again... (Harram!)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I am the biggest (and maybe only) beer fanatic in Lebanon

There must be some award for this type of thing. I have been in search of Lebanon's only microbrew for nearly two weeks now. Monday, I went around Beirut with my Dad and aunt on the promise that we'd stop by the brewery and bar after they were done with chores. I haven't seen this beer anywhere. In case you're wondering it's called 961 which is Lebanon's country code. I saw only two bottles of it in a Beirut supermarket and none since then. On Beer Advocate they list 7 brews. One of which is an IPA and another a Barleywine. I got overly excited. It was going to be my first good beer in nearly two months. The ratings on BA are not wonderful except for some dude names "Beerophile" from Beirut (almost certainly one of the brewers himself) saying that this is the best beer in the world. It's that crazy self aggrandizing attitude exhibited by brewers and Lebanese folk alike. Anyway, Kingfisher is terrible and the only thing I've had here is a Lebanese beer named Almaza (owned by Heineken) which is better than kingfisher, but that's not exactly a compliment.

So 961... Apparently I'm the only person in this country who's heard of it. This is not a beer culture, it's definitely a wine culture. Supermarkets have walls of wines. You can buy wine in most convenience stores in "bigger" cities (population at least 5,000). I've been drinking wine and Arak, but beer is my real true love and so I search for it everywhere.

I found the address for 961 and made my aunt drive me that way after 6 hours or so of bargain hunting on light fixtures. We get to the correct corner (where the website claims the brewery/bar is) and ask where it is. This guy comes out from a corner store and asks my dad "Does he owe you money?" My dad said "no," and the guy retorted "yes he does, he owes everyone money. People are always looking for him." To make matters worse the guy at the corner store told us the the brewery had moved. Is it out of business? I don't think so, it doesn't seem to be? BA has new listings. On twitter they say they're looking for a US distributor. However, I can't find signs of them anywhere except for the two bottles of Euro-style lager (which I've had my share of) in the big supermarket.

So apparently I am the only person interested in trying new beer. I think I've been relegated to beer purgatory for a year while living in non-beer cultures. Let this be duly noted. Not only did I pay my dues in Chicago and Philadelphia searching for good beer, I am paying dues for all my friends this year. It is for you friends that I am scouring my little section of the globe trying to make sure that you don't have to suffer through crappy beers. As it is now, I'm pretty certain I'm the biggest (and maybe only) beer fanatic in Lebanon.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Driving Beirut

This is my fifth trip to Lebanon. My first was 15 years ago when I wasn't old enough to drive. Since then I've avoided driving like mad because Lebanese drivers are f-ing awful. Let me illustrate a common scene:

It is nighttime and cars are driving up into the mountains and down from the mountains to Beirut. There are steep cliffs on both sides with very little shoulder. If there is a shoulder it is generally populated by fruit stands and cars parked in front of said stands. (I do love that very much about lebanon). Not only are the shoulders absent, but also guard rails. Not only are shoulders and guard rails absent, but also painted lines, lanes, and smooth pavement. Pot holes... Well let's just say there is no dearth of them. Now that I've mentioned it's nighttime I should also take a moment to mention that random speed bumps appear in major thoroughfares. It's as if you'd be driving US highway 1 along side an interstate and you have to slow down suddenly so as to not become airborne.

Ok, no lines, no real lanes, speed bumps, potholes and bumper to bumper traffic one way or another. There are other problems as well. For example, without real lanes, cars pass on the inside (since there is no shoulder) and LEAVE THEIR DAMN HIGHBEAMS ON. TURN OFF YOUR F-ING HIGHBEAMS! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!?

So... I've been driving around Lebanon this go around. Some of my family members with whom I've been riding have trouble seeing at night. One night, crazy as I am, I volunteered to take the stress off one such family member and drive the rest of the way home. Luckily, I knew the roads from there. It was only 5km or so and I didn't worry too much. The fact that I don't have a Lebanese driver's license shouldn't matter much as nothing really matters much where traffic is concerned here. Since then, I've been driving most days, usually locally, but this evening (just after sunset, in Beirut rush hour traffic) I got volunteered to drive home from Beirut. I was not into the idea, but bless my family members' hearts. I couldn't take them driving me anymore today. I had driven down to the edge of Beirut this morning through some gorgeous scenery and stopped for breakfast then allowed someone else to take the wheel.

Coming back to the village was exciting to say the least. I think what I learned is that you just have to be confident in your car and be extremely alert as there are many jackass drivers here. In addition I've learned that Lebanon has too many cars, no alternate vehicles, and no public transit (A 15 year civil war which completely tore up the country left people wary of riding around unprotected, and killed any chance of reliable public transit. A bus getting bombed just doesn't sit well with that many people...).

I keep telling people here that traffic in India is worse. It's true too. India (at least Chennai and Pondicherry) has worse traffic than Lebanon, but the traffic difficulties are completely different. India has ridiculously many people/things/cars on the roads. Lebanon has too many cars and jackasses with cars on the road. In Lebanon I didn't have to swerve around a herd of cattle or dodge fearless passersby on foot. Nor did I have to navigate scooters, bicycles, motorcycles, and the occasional autorickshaw going the wrong way. I did however have to deal with Lebanese drivers, and lots of them.

So, my nerves are now calmed and I think it's beer time. No more driving for tonight, and hopefully for the rest of my trip.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Jeita Grotto

WOW! Lebanon has this funny way of self promotion. The made the world's largest hummus plate. The world's largest tabouli, and a couple of other things. They want to market that they do things the best. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not, but either way it's always marketed as such. So when I heard that they had a place in Lebanon in the final voting for the new seven wonders of the natural world (New Seven Wonders) I was completely skeptical. I thought is was just more bogus bullshit that every country tries to do. But, my family wanted to show me this place and so I went along. I didn't begrudge them any either. I really don't have a problem going to see pretty places, it's always enjoyable to me. So we drive to Beirut and then north about 20 km to Jeita. We take the airtram up and go to the upper gallery first.

OH MY GOD! I had no idea. I had come to the Grotto before (15 years ago) when I was a kid and remember going in a boat inside a cave and not thinking anything too amazing about it. Well, since then they've opened up another huge section of the caves. It was completely and utterly stunning every step. So far they've made (The least intrusive possible) walkway that goes nearly a kilometer into the cave. They are working on extending it to over two kilometers. I was just totally shocked and in awe. Having grown up in East Tennessee around mountains I've been into a few caves. I've also been to a few around the world because they are generally tourist attractions OR wine cellars. I don't particularly care for the tourist traps, and generally am amicable towards wine cellars. This trumps them all. I have never seen a cave so gorgeous on the inside. (Jeita Grotto Tourism Page)

I don't want to sound like a tour guide because it's not necessary. If you come to Lebanon for any reason, you should go out of your way to see this. I'm not kidding. Of course the tourism part of it that makes things annoying is that you can't take cameras inside. They want to sell their own pictures. I understand that from a business point of view, but the sad thing is I can't post any interesting pictures of my own here (even if my pic uploads were going through).

After the upper cave we went down to the lower cave and took a small boat through the underground lake, also pretty cool. For me the problem is that I can't take it at my own pace. There are lots of things I'd like to stop and look at closely while touring the underground lake and cave, but I'm at the mercy of the boat operator. Anyway, the lower cave is stupendous as well, but I was just absolutely blown away with the upper cave. DAMN!

Come to Lebanon, go see the grotto.

Dinner for 400

I'm not kidding, I attended a dinner with at least 400 people. I'm terribly sad to report you'll have to wait another week for pictures of said dinner. But as it was, the whole village/family was in attendance. The village where I'm staying is my family's village. I am not exaggerating at all when I say nearly every person at the dinner had the last name "Aboulhosn." It's not a joke, not an exaggeration, just a huge freaking family. There were a few random stragglers without the Aboulhosn moniker. My dad and I were two such, but we were born with the name and changed it later. Another few were children of women aboulhosns who married persons with other last names (but within the religion basically). So if you seen My Big Far Greek Wedding (I hate to reference that movie so much, but in the mediterranean we say one face one race... and it's the only good reference point for most people who've never been here) then you'll almost understand the magnitude of this dinner.

We filled an entire large banquet hall in our nice community center with tables and every table was full. Furthermore, the food was ridiculous. Two enormous long tables full of food, and anytime one item got low (nothing ever ran out, that would be inhospitable) they replaces it with a huge new tray of the same thing. You might recall Lebanon's recent Hummus stunt, wherein they produced the world's largest hummus dish of something like 2 tons... Well, last night a few hundred pounds of it were present I'm dead certain.

So lunch for 35, dinner for 400. Being Eastern Mediterranean, we like to do food and family in a BIG way. oof. Although, I can't complain too much, I've been eating extremely well. (Pictures asap I promise)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Visiting Chateau Ksara

I went today with my Aunt and Dad over to a city called Zahle. If you ever come to Lebanon in the summer I suggest you visit it. It sits right atop Lebanon's wine region and has a nightlife, not to mention is considered by some the birthplace of Mezze style cuisine. My Dad and Aunt were looking for something so we went to four or five stores and I sat in the car waiting. I felt like a kid again, not interested in what the adults were doing. In any case I was driving.

I should take a moment here to comment on the task of driving in Lebanon. As I've mentioned several times, Lebanese drivers are horrible. Zahle is about 30 km from here, but we had to go over the mountains and through the north end of the Bekaa valley to get there. At first my dad was driving, but he hugs the curb, which in America is fine. Here in Lebanon I'm not comfortable with it. The "curb" as it were is a big ditch. After the big ditch is a big cliff. There is no guard rail or any such protective barrier. Furthermore, most of the cars really feel like they have to go fast. I'll admit it is run going around curves down a mountain at speeds too fast for the car to handle correctly. But Lebanon is one of the most densely populated countries on earth and everyone owns a car. They pass on the left so that three cars are coming at you going up hill. When one hugs the curb and gives an inch to the oncomers... Goodbye car, goodbye Lebanon. It's an abrupt end to a nice vacation.

So I drove. We made it to Zahle no problems. Stopped along the way for some shawarma and kafta. Oh man I love the food here! In the meantime some old guy trying to sell trinkets got ahold of my dad and aunt. I thought to myself, this guy stands NO CHANCE with my aunt. She is the toughest bargainer I've ever seen. Sadly, my dad paid. He's become a little bit soft being in America for too long. THEY bought trinkets, I had no interest in buying something worthless from some dude in a restaurant selling crap I don't like anyway. My dad "overpaid" which means he probably paid close to the correct price for the beads or whatever they were. The guy selling told me he had nice coins from greece and italy. I said "I don't care" in english. He told me my english was good, like an American. I told him in Arabic "I live in India." That ended my conversation with him.

So we traveled around for a bit. I didn't have in mind going to Ksara. I personally think their wine is a little bit awful. Anyway, it is directly adjacent to Zahle, so that's where we went. I wasn't interested in taking a tour, but somehow even though I was driving where I wanted to go didn't matter. Yes, the Lebanese way. So we watched a video (luckily in English, and actually informative) about Ksara's wine making techniques and procedures. Then took a tour through the caves. That was pretty cool. I like walking through parts of cave mazes which are miles long and completely full of wine. If something bad happens... There are certainly worse ways to die.

The tour was given by a Lebanese girl, who was clearly French educated and she gave the tour in the nonconfident English. But I understood most of what was said. Being sort of the alcohol zealot I am, I knew most of what she was going to say before the tour started. Anyway, then we went to the bar for some tastings. I really hate to say it, but of the wines from Lebanon that I've had, Ksara is my least favorite. They do, however, make a killer good Arak! So I left slightly happier than I had entered. The isn't SO bad, but drinking it makes one feel better anyway.

Really what I had wanted to do was go to a small winery (Ksara is probably the biggest in Lebanon) and talk with the workers who make the Arak and start into brandy talk. I've still got another couple chances. But I think I have to go on my own. Somehow in my travels I've learned a lot about myself.

Lesson number n (where n is a positive integer):
When I have something in mind to do, I can not tell it to someone and allow them to plan said activity for me. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.
Lesson n+1: I always do things in perhaps the wrong way. I always do things my way (when it's my idea) and things go hilariously wrong.
Lesson n+2: I need a good travel partner most of the time, but one travel partner is where I max out.

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Morning Maronite Service

This morning, I went back to a church because a relative (not exactly a cousin<-- shock) had donated a painting to a church in the next village over. It's a painting of Mary and Jesus. I called it Theotokos, but she didn't understand what I said, so I left it at that. I figure when you're painting the theotokos (mother of god) and donating it to a church, you'd know that's what it's called, but not in this case. This morning was a nearly identical service to last night. In fact, it was the same priest even though at a different church... I understood more of what happened this time around, but my the spoken arabic is far too fast for me to pick up any significant portion of it.

The churches here are the exact Lebanese style architecture large stones making large buildings. Inside, the church was decorated with a mixture of eastern and western christian icons, paintings, a christmas tree, kneelers, and altar. Like I had said, Maronite Catholicism is one of the stranger brands of "old" christianity because it's somewhere between eastern and western. Again, I was able to get through the motions and I picked up the words "ibn," "abba," "ya rab," "allah," and certain number (son, father, Lord/God, God) and the liturgy made much more sense, but the motions were no problem. One thing I thought was interesting was the eucharist was exactly in the middle of catholic and orthodox eucharist. All in all, I'm glad I went. Having spent a couple years studying old brands of christianity this was an interesting one to see in person. It's also exciting to be in the middle east to celebrate the holiday which recognizes Jesus' birth (of course, astronomer's have tracked dates and times and believe that Jesus was actually born 6 April 4BC, but no worries).

Happy birthday (sort of) Jesus. Merry Christmas to you even if you don't celebrate it. Here the saying is basically a wish of good health and not necessarily a religious saying. In Lebanon every greets for "Merry Christmas" in French and says it in English for the non religious purposes.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Very Maronite Christmas

I need to start by apologizing to my Druze family. Last night a cousin of mine took me to midnight mass. I'm not overly concerned with going to church. I like to, and in the states I generally go on Sunday morning and I have no problem meeting up with people from church for beer or coffee. This, however, is a druze village and the idea that I ACTUALLY think christmas is important is a bit strange to them. Nonetheless I have one slightly fearless cousins who made sure I got to Midnight Mass.

This being Lebanon, Maronite Catholicism is the most popular form of christianity. In case you've never heard of it, it's a strange brand of catholicism. Back when Christendom was "united" and the ecumenical councils were in full swing (starting A.D. 325 and going until the great schism in A.D. 1054) there were seven ecumenical councils. Each one basically stated more fully the tenets of Christianity (orthodox christianity as it were) and each council produced a new brand of heretics. It seemed an exciting time. There were lots of brands just like today, including Gnostics (caste system) they produced A-gnostics which you might know as agnostics, the Assyrian Church of the east (split after 4 councils), The Ethiopian and Armenian Orthodox churches (split after 3 councils), etc etc etc. So here's the thing with the Maronites. St. John Maron is there patron saints, hence the name. Officially the stopped attending the councils. They didn't exactly "split" they just sort of stopped attending the sequicentennial family reunions after about 3 of them. Isolated way up in the Lebanese mountains they just didn't go anywhere. That being said, their theology and liturgy is different from everyone else's, but they never officially split from Rome. So they are Catholic, but not exactly.

The liturgy was mostly catholic with a little armenian orthodoxy thrown in. Mix with that Arabic music (24 tone scales) and a lot of minor keys (even for "happy" music) and everything in Arabic and you've got it. My cousin who took me translated the Arabic for me, and I translated the liturgy for her. It was an interesting experience, but at least I got to go to midnight mass. I think after three or four more visits I'll understand their liturgy almost completely. Even without understanding the words, my good Episcopal training got through the motions correctly. Woo E-team!

I should also mention, during the service (the eucharist itself) an argument broke out right at the altar. I'm pretty sure this is how things have been in all religions for all time. The only difference is that in America we are able to hold off from arguing on stage until after the important stuff is over. All religions have so many exactly identical things, and it's important for me to see some of them. It's also more important to realize that people are just people. Perhaps, that's not what I was supposed to get out of the Maronite church, but that's what I got from it.

Lunch for 35

My dad is back visiting Lebanon for the first time in eight years. I'm here with him and his two older sisters still live here and nearby each other. The oldest sister said she'd fix a very special lunch for her brother when he got here because he doesn't come home very often. Well, a small lunch turned into a 35 person lunch. The food was more than plentiful, in fact it was a big enough lunch to probably make most thanksgivings look like a standard thursday night dinner.

At "lunch" were my aunt's 7 children. I'd never seen those 7 first cousins of mine together at the same time. Most of their children were around (13 of the 18 grandchildren were present) and a random host of other family members. In fact, it was terribly amusing to me that one woman whose name I'd forgotten looked at me and I told her my name. She said "I'm one of the cousins." I smiled and said "I believe it whole heartedly." That was enough to get laughs from the people who speak good english.

Lunch consisted of homemade baba ghanouj, hummus, grape leaves, hand made flat bread, chicken and rice with pine nuts, fried kibbee, tabouli, fava beans, and then another full table of deserts. Combine with that fresh tea, arabic coffee, rosemary tea, anise tea, and you've got yourself enough food and beverage to feed about 80 HUNGRY people. I've been doing my best to stuff my face with all the delicious homemade lebanese food I can while I'm here (because my two aunts here are both amazing cooks) and I still garner complaints for not eating enough. "You're a growing boy, you need to eat." I have to explain that I'm almost 30, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to grow much. I'm the tallest person around save for my one 20 year old cousin who ousts me as the tallest by 1cm (Argh, I gotta straighten my back and stretch my legs). Furthermore, I hold a high social standing here by being a "doctor." I think today was my first time not being relegated to the kids' table. I have to say, I kinda miss the kids' table! The kids have so many fewer social constraints and my distinctly american style is regarded more as a child not knowing what the true culture is, rather than an adulthood annoyance... Oh well, I get around most of the why don't you speak arabic questions by saying I live in India. Then I have to go on the same crusade of trying to explain WHY THE HELL I CHOSE TO LIVE IN INDIA! After I finished my meal I went to sit with the kids for a while. It was fun. Superballs and video games, and funny ringtones galore. Woo, go american childish behavior!

Hey, at least the food was good. Wait, wait, the food was AMAZING and I'm full again. I freakin' love it here. Those of you who have a chance to spend a week with a lebanese family should jump at the chance. It's damn good treatment and you really can't beat the food. (My apologies to all my other ethnic friends, but it you were there, you'd understand.) Think of that scene in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and that's about right on (having me say funny things in another language and the whole bit).

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Embracing my hillbilly heritage

This post will only contain the explanation of one familial relation. It is a strange one that I hadn't heard of before, and it took my brain quite some time to map it out, so I hope you enjoy. This is a true story about my own family.

I am the 19th of 21 grandchildren. While I'm in Lebanon I'm trying to figure out the complete and correct order of the births. I have this partially mapped out. As it stands, my sister is the youngest of 21 and she's now 24. The oldest is in his mid to late 50's. In fact he has a son my age, but HE is my first cousin and his son (my age) is a generation below me in the family tree (first cousin once-removed in American speak).

My oldest aunt has 7 children. The 5th in line is where the story gets peculiar. She has a situation such that she and her children share a set of first cousins...
How is this you might ask? Well I didn't understand it either, but allow to try and explain.

My dad is 5th of 6 children. He has two older brothers and they are quite a bit older (10+ years each). The middle brother is married to a woman to whom he is perhaps 10 years senior. They have two children (my first cousins) and ALSO first cousins with my first cousin from my oldest aunt (her mother and their father are siblings). The 5th child of the oldest child is married to a man who is the younger brother of my uncle's younger wife. This means, her childrens' first cousins on their FATHER's side are the same first cousins from her mother's side. Make sense? I didn't think so.

Couple A: My uncle and is younger wife
Couple B: The wife's younger brother and my first cousin

To note, this seems like terrible inbreeding, but in the end everything plays out cleanly. It's just another totally random and awkward circumstance that occurs within a huge family. I tried to figure out how to draw this part of the family tree and it just doesn't work... It's sort of like a pair of siblings marrying a different pair of siblings. The children will be double first cousins. In this case we have children who are on one side first cousins and on the other side first cousins once removed. Odd, I suppose, but no foul play has occured here I promise.

Trying to explain this story, however, makes me recognize my hillbilly (on both sides) heritage. Perhaps (as a friend once said) I'm really a khillbilly.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Keeping up with the Hayeks

Riding into the Beirut to drop my cousin at university I made a comment about how pretty the women are here. More specifically I was referring to how well kept up they appear. As I mentioned before, fashion is important here. More important on the whole, however, is appearance. I, myself, don't particularly care so much. I wear strange facial hair, I'm too tall and my clothing is always casual. I said there seem to be an inordinate number of women that look like models. My cousin was unabashed in saying "that's because of all the plastic surgeries." I immediately gave her a high five for that comment. That pleased my cynical american ears more than any other comment I've heard yet. I read an article just a couple of days ago stating that Lebanon performs 10 million cosmetic surgeries a year. That wouldn't mean so much except for the following facts:

1) Lebanon only has 4 million people
2) It's "forbidden" by some religions here...

Of course we all know that the second item means very little. But the fact remains that on average each person, man, woman, and child receives 2.5 cosmetic surgeries per year. (I THOUGHT there were too many 98 lb girls with D-cup breasts...) Now, I don't know how to count hair removal in this list, but that is certainly another hugely popular cosmetic procedure. We are Arabs, you know, and so we're hairy and dark. I would expect laser hair removal to count in this category, but some friends say no. Well, I can tell you, just waiting at the airport yesterday for my dad to arrive, there were WAY TOO MANY old women who'd had face lifts. Rather, too many face lifts. Young women with nose jobs and tooth implants, breast implants, tummy tucks, ass lifts, the works. It's crazy here.

There are also 8000 lingerie shops here and ads for skin tight jeans right on the road. Fashion is ever present in the minds of people here. I'm just not up to it yet. Yesterday I saw something that amused me highly. Near the University in Beirut there is a home furnishing store owned by muslim owners directly next to a lingerie shop. In the window of the lingerie shop were some of the most immodest article of "clothing" I've ever seen actually displayed. Modest chairs and pillows here, and 3 feet to the left, crotchless g-strings and bustiers. It was slightly jarring for me to see. I might expect something like this in a fashion district or in Montreal's red light district, but in the middle of a neighborhood, not what I expected.

In other words, keeping up with the Hayeks is an enterprise here. I somewhat enjoy the visual benefits, but suffer the consequences of not keeping up myself. I look forward to bringing all my american and indian friends who look like "bums" (myself absolutely included in this) and tearing up this country and drinking wine like we were in graduate school all over again!

Qaffeination

My dad has explained to several of my American friends about some of Arabic's funny letters and how they are said. There is one letter in particular which truly points out where in the world my family lives. My family is Lebanese Druze. (Here's the wiki on Druze if you're interested).

The Druze are known for particularly saying one letter known as qaff. In Arabic there are several different 'k' type letters. There is Kaf, which is the normal k/c used in English. There is "khay" with the hard sound. Usually this is considered more of a hard 'h,' but it depends on who you ask and how fluent they are in English. The last is qaff, which is generally written as 'q' in English transliterations. Think "Al - qaeda" or "Qatar." The Lebanese aside from the Druze leave off the 'q' sound entirely and instead simply say "aff." One of my cousins is the only druze at her university and the other lebanese students know this so they ask her to say "qaff" for them. However, she, like I grew up with a lot of television and so she says qaff in the normal modern Lebanese way (whereas my english is not so heavily Tennessean). I should point out quickly that the Lebanese Arabic is considered quite strange in the Arab world already...

The funny thing to me about this story was that she said the other students asked her to say "qaff" by saying some word in arabic which sounded to my ears very close to "caffeinate." I guess while I'm here, in addition to the absurd amount of tea and coffee I'm drinking (more than India because they serve tea in large mugs here...) I'm also getting qaffeinated.

Monday, December 21, 2009

A new world order

After spending half the day in Beirut I came to a few realizations about Lebanese politics. After I got back up into the mountains I asked some people things about politics. I should point out that this is a tricky undertaking. Middle Eastern people are very passionate about politics and one wrong move is enough to get you (figuratively) hanged! Perhaps its not so figurative in the theocratic states, but I don't live there and I don't plan to go there for quite some time, so I'll brush up on my theocracies when I need to. In Lebanon there are supposedly 60-65 political parties. I can't name a single one of them. I think there are several different socialist movements (progressive, conservative, neo) and probably a half dozen or more movements devoted to theocracies, and probably every special interest group you can imagine. In fact, now that I think of it I can name one. They are called "Defenders of the Cedars." Their platform is to make "Lebanese" its own language and bring back the old Phoenecian alphabet. I think this is completely retarded, but I don't say so in public because I'm sure I've met someone who is friends with someone in said group and would be quite upset with a foreigner expressing such a view. Nonetheless, while I'm writing and not naming names, I think they are ridiculous.

Alright, with all this special interest nonsense something has got to give. In Lebanon the highest positions in the government are determined by the religious groups with the most adherents. Again, in Lebanon, with all the special interest groups there are 18 different recognized religious groups. Among them (I can't remember them all) Are Maronite Catholics, Melkite Catholics, Greek Catholics, Greek Orthodox, Armenian Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Protestant, Sunni Islam, Shia Islam, Alawite Islam, Druze, and Judaism. Yeah, that's right! Lebanon recognizes Jews as actual people. So all you nay-sayers elsewhere should look to Beirut and see how it's done. But before I get too far ahead of myself there are other things to know.

According to the last census the government gets structured as such:
The President is a Maronite Catholic.
The Prime Minister is a Sunni Muslim.
The Speaker of Parliament is a Shia Muslim.

The real problem here is that the last official census was taken in 1932. Oops, sorry about that Sunni Muslims... It's totally clear here that Sunni Muslims are the largest religious group in Lebanon. That too is changing. The Shia are growing and growing as Hezbollah <--- not a fan gains more popularity. Iran and Syria are backing these (I can't think of them as anything other than trouble makers) and Iran and Syria have large Shia populations. Besides, why not be Shia when you only have to pray 3 times a day and can have 4 wives? The Sunni have considerably more moderate practices (in western eyes). Well, in a RARE statement, I'm going to agree with the Shia sect of Islam in Lebanon. Lebanon should certainly reconsider who gets the presidency. The Shia want a fully "democratic" election. As it stands, parliament chooses these three spots, and that's what the Shia (and Hezbollah <--- not a fan) want to change. The "true" democratic election called for by Shia to my ears sounds like "an election in which only those we want on the ballot are on, and only those we let vote get to." This is where I start to diverge with them. I'm ok with "true" democracy, and I'm also ok with religiously based seating within the government if that's how they want to do it, not my first choice, but ok.

Here's how I would restructure the whole ordeal if I were king of Lebanon and had to relinquish my thrown in an election...

First, I conduct a census. I will ask a lot of questions about religious identity. What this will show is essentially the truth. I will basically show that the vast majority of Lebanon is non-practicing people with some religion in their past. I will then establish new recognized religions within Lebanon. Secular, agnostic, atheist, and maybe a host of other mildly bizarre religions just to appease the people. I'm a benevolent king afterall. My bet is that the following governmental structure will then fall in place:

Presidency goes to a secular person (christian, muslim, druze, jew, no matter, so long as they as believe in some God and don't practice).
Prime Ministerial position goes to Agnostics.
The Speaker of Parliament will probably be a Muslim of some variety.

I think that sounds a lot more accurate than the backwards system in place here now. This however, will never happen because Europe surely doesn't want a Shi'a president in power in Lebanon. Afterall, for the time being and (Insh'allah forever) Lebanon will be the beacon of the middle east and the gateway to and from Europe to the Arab speaking world. Beirut is on the rise, and I, for one, don't care to have religious zealots ruin that for the rest of the world.

A few pictures from the Bahrain airport

It took me all day, but I got enough bandwidth to upload these three pictures. Enjoy!

Gulf States like big buildings

I heard two days ago that Bahrain wants to build a tower 10m taller than the Burj Dubai. This will purely be a status symbol. I think this is completely ridiculous and the developers responsible for this idea should be ashamed of themselves! Nonetheless, here are some already built pretty buildings which are plenty tall enough.

That's Chili's in the background
Men and women should be separate for praying, but when they really want to be sinful they'll eat fake mexican food in an american joint. They can do this together. I'll bet they can even order many deliciously forbidden foods here too!


A duty free band
I wonder if they are without duties or if duty is the adjective here? I thought this was a funny thing to see in an airport in the Arab World. Lots of muslims working at all the stores, especially those selling duty free goods (including forbidden things...)

Beirut has a little (and a lot) of everything

Just yesterday I was reading this article from November "Beirut is Back...

Today I went down to the University to meet with some math(s) faculty members. I had an appointment at 1PM and my cousin dropped me off at 9:45 AM which gave me three hours to kill. I usually walk around in a big city for a few hours before actually doing anything. So I spent my three hours basically walking around trying to figure out anything about where I was. What I observed about Beirut is that it is a bizarre city.
Status is everything. Without nice clothing and nice cars and nice jewelery you aren't anything. So the first synopsis I can offer is that Beirut is like New York, Paris, and Miami thrown into a blender then distilled down to a pure drug. Throw in with that some snow capped mountains in the immediate background, religious zealots and armed militia men and you're starting to get the picture.

I visited the memorial to Rafic Hariri, Lebanon former prime minister when he was killed in 2005. He was at that time rated as 11th richest man in the world. Everywhere I have been people tell me Hariri built this and he built that (before he died). He built a beautiful mosque just behind martyr's square in downtown beirut and on the back of it is his memorial. With him lie the men with him who were killed when he was. Everyday they change the flowers for his memorial and those of his fallen comrades. He was by many regarded as the champion of the people because he spent his money to build things for the people. More importantly he was against Syrian army "protection" also known as military control of Lebanon. Certainly he was controversial because many people believe that Lebanon needs Syria to protect them from Israel, but I'm not among them. One of my cousins attends a university built by Hariri. In my eyes he was a champion to the people. It is a testament to the strength of Lebanon that on the back of a mosque anyone can come to pay homage to Hariri and I did just that. I'm told that he had 1.5 million visitors at his funeral and the week surrounding it. That's nearly half of the country's population.

After visiting the memorial I had plenty of time to kill so I went searching for 961beer. It's a microbrewery in the land of wine that opened in Beirut's bar district immediately after the war in 2006 (when Israel ransacked the beirut airport because Hezbollah((not a fan)) kidnapped some israeli soldiers and israel kidnapped some Hezbollah in response, then bombed the airport.) I didn't have any idea where I was going and I was going with an out of date map (in french) so I didn't find it, but I'm here another 12 days, so I've got a shot still. Walking around I noticed a lot of things. I saw the old Holiday Inn, once beirut's finest hotel (in 1968) completely riddled with bullet holes and mortar attacks. All around it are fancy shops and new condos and apartment buildings rivaling anything you will see in Europe. Shops are selling French fashions and the newest styles from New York and Paris. My guess is they are exactly one day behind paris because that's how long it takes to ship the clothing here. Beirut of course is right on the Mediterranean sea which means it's also Lebanon's biggest shipping port. Can you say fresh anything from anywhere in the mediterranean? The traffic is busy like New York, and the abundance of restaurants (especially sea side) is astounding. I looked like a bum wearing my button down striped shirt and Sebago's around the campus of AUB.

They say, in Beirut there is everything. If you want it, Beirut has it. Food, parties, clothing, religion, extremism, relaxed smoking lounges, mountains, ocean, politics, beautiful ladies, beautiful men, remnants of war, signs of progress, actual progress, world class hospitals, dingy slums, etc, you name, Beirut has got it. It's a confusing place to me for now. It has nearly nothing in common with India. When I mentioned earlier today that bribery in India is out in the open, he remarked "we have that here too." I said, not quite in the same way. He said, "Yes, here I believe it must be more discrete." He's right, baksheesh, in Lebanon is completely ramppant, to you won't see the actual act happening. You'll see it in a restaurant where you can get daily fresh blue fin tuna from Japan, an endangered species (except in Lebanon, see article linked above). I think I could spend a long time learning how to live in Beirut. One could spend a whole lifetime learning how to do it too.


Status is everything here. Negotiation is life. Lebanese people are entrepreneurial and enterprising. In India things are the way they are and you just have to go with it. In Lebanon you make it how you want it.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Food adventures in Lebanon

I'm still having trouble uploading images, so this post will have to suffice for now...

I thought India would serve up a lot more exotic food than what I've been eating. Custard Apples were the first "exotic" thing I ate there. Here, in Lebanon I saw custard apples like those in India, but I also saw some that were enormous. They were the size of butternut squash. So, perhaps they weren't terribly exotic, I just don't recall seeing them in the United States, but it might be because I wasn't looking for them. Among the other fruits that are "new" to me include persimmons and fresh dates.

Now, I have Lebanese blood which means that I've eaten my fair share (and more) of dates (tammer in arabic). All kinds of them, small large, oversized, in cakes, in pastries, pitted with almonds, wrapped in bacon, etc. I've eaten a lot of dates. But the thing I just realized is that they are always dried dates. I've been eating fresh dates for three days now. They are extremely delicious! They are juicy and plump and just provide a totally new pleasurable eating experience. Yum, I will certainly look for fresh dates from now on. I guess it helps that the world's leading producers of dates include egypt, iran, pakistan, israel, lebanon, saudi arabia, etc. It's definitely a fruit indigenous to this part of the world, and MAN they are good. Another fruit that has surprised me is persimmon. I had eaten persimmon before and it didn't impress me. I thought of it as a bitter small orange colored fruit that I wasn't excited to eat again anytime soon. THAT has changed. I was over at a cousin's house (surprise) and there were fruits growing on a tree. They looked like apples or tomatoes, but growing on a tree and were orange. I asked what they were and I was told "kharma" (that's with the hard kh sound not karma from hinduism). They didn't know the english name. I looked it up later to find a fruit called kaki in japanese that translates to persimmon in english. I reported this and my cousins thought I was saying pomegranate. I explained the difference. The kharma I ate tasted something like papaya with the texture of an over ripened tomato. Strange, but really delicious again. I'm enjoying the fruit here to say the least. Luckily, most of my snacking consists of fresh fruits instead of too many pastries (of course I eat pastries too, because lebanon has some killer good pastries!)

Lastly, a thing called "kibbee" which they translate as "fresh meat" here. It's raw lamb with herbs. Kibbee I should note comes in whatever variety the cook wants to make it. I usually eat baked or friend kibbee with pine nuts and onions. This, however, is the real deal. I just found out about it a couple years ago, because in the united states raw meat is frowned upon highly with the exception of sushi (god bless america!). Here, you are supposed to drink Arak with it (to kill the germs only, of course) Arak is brandy distilled with aniseed. It's similar to ouzo or sambuca, but not as sweet. Alcohol is not TOTALLY acceptable here, except of course for purposes of medicine. I get medicated quite a lot while I'm here...

Well, these are my recent food adventures. Lebanon is turning out to be a more adventurous food experience than I'd expected. I grew up eating this food, but only the things that are widely available in america. Now I'm getting even more of the real deal, and I love it every bit as I thought I would.

It's all for show

As is well portrayed in Western media, the middle east is full of muslims. I've been talking to a lot of young people here and asking them about. I have many cousins in University here now and I've met some of their friends so I ask about the religious view here. Popular consensus: "Islam" is popular here. I met a girl who works in Bahrain. She tells me every weekend Bahrain is completely full of saudis who come to drink and party. Lots of sex and drugs etc. All the stuff that is strictly forbidden by Islam, but they do it anyway. The same applies to Lebanon. My cousins and their friends say all the muslim girls wear the headdress and that's it. No prayers, no obeying halal food standards. They just make a show of their religion much in the same way many people in America celebrate christmas and easter.

However, in agreement with the western world, almost EVERYONE here (except muslim men) out outraged at the treatment Muslim women receive at the hands of muslim men. I just read an article (on a muslim's blog) that the sale of bikinis in muslim countries has sharply risen recently. There was a big controversy over Miss Indonesia (not a muslim) wearing a bikini in the miss world pageant in 2006. She received death threats for not obeying the "laws" of islam. So all this being said, it appears (according to the people I know who live here) there are very few truly practicing muslims. The ones who are truly practicing who won't know because they are quiet and kept to themselves and don't proselytize. I have a cousin who's roommate is actually practicing and she claims this girl is the only one who obeys the dietary laws and prayers every day, but doesn't wear the "required" dress.

I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. Religions which are too restrictive never seem to have many "true" followers. I guess according to Islam, there will be almost no one in heaven. But you know what they say...
You go to heaven for the weather and hell for the company. If Islam is correct, then we'll be joined in hell by most of the islamic brotherhood and all of them who like to party.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

My first good compare and contrast of Lebanon and India

Sadly, the first thing I should state is that my internet connection is not supporting pictures. So all you fantastic regular readers will have to wait a few more days for some pics. I hope you'll accept my apologies.

India has made me entirely more observant of my environment in the last month and a half. I haven't been to Lebanon in 6 years and in that time my opinions on everything have changed drastically. So this time I'm looking around for different things and therefore noticing different things. I've spent most of my time so far reacquainting with cousins and family, meeting those that have been born since my last visit, etc...

In that time, I've basically had to explain over and over why the HELL I'd ever move to India. In the end the basic explanation is that India has some amazing mathematicians that I want to work with. Furthermore it's in an exotic part of the world. This gets the point across slightly. Then I have to explain how poor people are and explain what I understand of the slums (which is nothing) and then my family implores me to come to Lebanon...

During these little explanation sessions we devolve into other comparisons. Lebanese people are, by the way, HORRIBLE DRIVERS! They all know this and complain about all the other drivers and how bad they are. It's quite comical to my eyes. What's great though is that I try to explain how much crazier and more hectic the traffic is in Chennai. Chennai, you see is nearly double the size of Lebanon in population and so you can imagine the congestion is worse than that. My cousins stare at me with jaws agape at the news that some country has worse traffic than lebanon. I enjoy that.
What's also funny to me now is that last time I was here I was in the same boat. I couldn't imagine worse traffic, but now I live in it.

The first real observation to make is that Lebanon and India have almost nothing in common. Ok, they are both in Asia, there are lots of Muslims, horrible traffic, crazy population density and poor in comparison to Europe and the english speaking world.
Lebanon is tiny. There is NOTHING small about India.

I'm enjoying the scenery here. It's completely gorgeous in the summer, but I've never seen it in winter (another reason my family deigns me crazy, "why you come in winter? why you not come in summer? Weather good then."). The scenery in winter here is also something special. My family lives way up in the mountains and the views into the valleys and simply spectacular (pictures ASAP I promise!) The scenery and the weather are complete changes and are both welcome for me right now. Today, it was sunny and the high was almost 50F. In the coming weeks I'm hoping to bounce around LARGE sections of Lebanon. Again, the whole country is ~120 miles tall and ~50 miles wide (~175km x 30km). Despite the small size there is a lot to see here. Lebanon has an interesting history including getting conquered by basically everybody (included in that are Israel and Hezbollah <---- not a fan) and a cuisine to match it. In addition I should mention last, but not least, we're in the advent season and Lebanon is part of where Jesus did his ministry. The versions of Christianity that exist here are slightly bizarre within christendom and it will be interesting to spend christmas away from what I have always known. On that note, I'll leave you with something just passed along to me. I would have sworn this was not american, but then I realized how utterly and completely american it truly is, thanks nickelodeon.

The "strangest" jingle bells ever.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Why you are in Hind? Why you not come to Lebanon?

If you hadn't guessed by the title, Hind is the Arabic word for India. So far in Lebanon, aside from eating (which has been, no surprise, the largest portion of my trip), I've spent the rest of my time visiting family. The weather has not been terrible, but there is a storm passing through so it's totally rainy and has not been so good for pictures yet. The time not spent eating has been spent traveling between different relatives' houses. With this is mind, let me play for you a scene that has happened 8 times and will happen 80 more before I return to India:


Ooh Helloo marhaba! How you, how your mother, how your father, how your sister? You no come to see me long time.

I know, I'm sorry I'm sorry. Who's this little one? Oh my, these kids have grown so much since I was here last.

When you last come see me?

Six years ago. So and so was this big, and now she's a grown up pretty girl.

You remember your cousin name? Afayk!
Where you living now?

I live in South India. Al Hind.

(this is where I go an a small explanation of the fact that I don't speak "Indian" and small tidbits of information about how crazy it is there. And lots of sighs of "haram" and jaws agape.)

Why you are in Hind? Why you not come to Lebanon?

Here again I have to explain that India offered me a job and Lebanon didn't. This is a much more difficult challenge here than elsewhere. Academia is not understood here, not even a little. I get mild praise for being "so smart" and that the university here is crazy for not hiring me, etc. When really the point is, I wanted to go to India, and my application to Beirut was late. It has nothing to do with the peripheral stuff of "my family thinks I'm smart enough for the job."

I speak with my cousins about the contrasts of here and in Lebanon and am constantly brought back to a single question in my mind. A few days ago in a bar in Chennai I was talking to two guys from Andhra Pradesh (state directly north of Tamil Nadu) and I asked them about their current events. I asked them about the potential break away state of Telangana. They scoffed at the idea of Telangana, but asked how the hell I knew about this. Simple fact of the matter is it's in India's news. It's a little hard to miss the fact that Hyderabad has some tension right now over this because both "states" want this to be their capital city. Anyway, after some other banter they ask me where I'm from. I lie SLIGHTLY and say I'm FROM Lebanon, instead of I'm Lebanese, which is in fact truth. But saying I'm "from Lebanon" is a lie in it's most basic form.

The question that followed will live with me forever and ever amen.
These two guys said, "Lebanon, isn't that a poor country?"

I said (rightly) it depends on who you ask! If you ask someone from UK or Switzerland then the answer is a resounding YES. If you ask someone from Ethiopia or Sri Lanka the answer is NO. In fact, if you ask the average Indian, the answer will be no. Funny tidbit of info: There are a lot of Sri Lankan women in Lebanon who work as maids and housekeepers and servants. It's sort of indentured servitude, about which I have mixed feelings. It's wonderful in some ways, and it others horrible. Part of that is the servants here are treated respectfully. They are worked hard, but with lots of respect. Their religions are honored fully and they are given good living quarters. I will certainly say, this servant thing is NOT slavery. These servants have the ability to leave. Then again, Lebanon is a rich country in comparison and there isn't much reason to leave because the pittance they make here is still better than home. (Harram!)

That was a fairly long digression to get to this point:
Americans think I'm crazy being India is exotic,
Indians think I'm crazy for leaving the United States,
and Lebanese think I'm crazy for going to India at all.

I think that settles the matter then; I'm crazy. But I ask you one thing; would you ever get to read such rich, true stories full of American cynicism and brutal honesty if I hadn't come to India (and now part of the Arab world)? I think not.

The steamy shower scene

Apparently I don't understand how to take a shower in another country. It never seemed like a problem before, but these last two months have been much different than before. This morning I went to take a shower, but in Lebanon it's cold now (maybe upper 30s F) and the shower I'm using is in an attached bathroom, but there is a small breezeway to it. That is to say, the bathroom is really cold for showering before hot water arrives. The water heater is basically a wood burning stove. Throw some wood in there, burn it, the fire heats the water. Pretty basic, pretty effective. Once I got the water on it was WAY TOO HOT. It wasn't boiling, but it was the kind of hot water that I would use to clean things that are really dirty and not attached to my body, such as my skin. The heat is controlled by a valve attached to the water heater and so I decided to turn it down, so I thought. Well, I basically cut all the hot water. So for a moment I could see my breath and see the steam of the water that was hot just a moment ago. That was one of the more bizarre temperature related incidents in my life.

Well, there was hot water that had collected in a bucket, and, well, being in india for 5 weeks without a shower... I knew what to do! I started basically bathing out of the bucket. My aunt heard that no water was running and asked if everything was ok. I said that water was too cold. I somehow couldn't readjust the water to anywhere in between scalding and icy. (The bucket water was nice)

My aunt saved the day, but it took her a while to adjust the temperature to something reasonable. By the time I was in my shower (I was already wet and waiting for the water to get hot again made me even colder) I just wanted to soap and rinse and get out. Well, the few small pieces of wood that were heating my shower had burned out. So my hot water went slowly warm (perfect) then cold again. I decided I was done showering.

I know the timing better now, so this problem shouldn't arise again, but if it does, I do know how to use a bucket to bathe!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Day One in Lebanon

I love Lebanon. I suppose my synopsis will tell most of what it needs to.

The not so brief summary of my day is such
Landed and got picked up by my cousin.
I took some pictures
We stopped at a bakery for sweets
Went to one aunt's house for snacks
went to other aunt's house for lunch
after lunch snacks
between meal fruits
went back to first aunt's house for dinner (everything grown freshly in her garden, delicious!)
Had after dinner tea and snacks


I think that about summarizes day one.

Today was rainy and cold so my picture taking adventure hasn't gotten too far, but worry not dear reader I shall provide some good photos in the next couple days.
Lots of stories to tell, almost too many. Stay tuned!

Tales from Bahrain: Leg one of journey to Lebanon

As I am wont to do I meet a lot of people when I travel. So far I've met three Americans living in Chennai. One is a girl who grew up in Knoxville, TN of all places... More on that trio of kids later, I'm sure I'll be seeing them more in Chennai...

I think the important thing for me right is talking about some other Americans I met in the airport who were in Chennai for a whopping 10 whole days (where 2 of those days were spent in Delhi). I felt sad for them because I think they are going away from India with no good travel stories and no real feel for India whatsoever. They of course were staying at a fancy hotel and had a driver the whole time. All they could talk about was how surprised they were to have not gotten diarrhea. Come on, you're in a 5 star hotel. They were staying (in my opinion) in probably the nicest hotel in Chennai, with absolutely some of the best western food around. Notice, that should not be read as "Best-Western" food...

No train, no Tamil, no rickshaws, no watching cricket, not forced to eat shitty food out of a shitty restaurant. All they got were the smells (and sights from a protected point of view). I almost started having pride for Chennai (then I realized how ridiculous that was). What happened was I started defending the fact that Chennai does have some cool stuff, and it's not simply old and beautiful hindu temples. Chennai has a culture, which is clearly not amenable to Americans in large part, but it's unique. The Tamils are very particular about everything. I don't think I'll be able to assimilate to most of their views, but I didn't go to Chennai only expecting to get food poisoning...

So, in some sense, these are the Americans I want to protect Chennai from. I want them to be able to come and see Chennai, but I think it would have been better had they come with open hearts. Open minds are not a challenge. Every mental facility you have will be tested just getting around day to day. But India, as I may have stated before, is a lot about passion. There is just no moderation in anything. The Tamils certainly propitiate that as well.

In the end, I think if you're going to Chennai, don't go with a fighting attitude. You will hate it. Hell, you might even hate it anyway. You might even hate it if you come expecting to love it. That's fine. You can't like everything... But I can't imagine what real benefit this trip has been to these guys.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Islam and the West (and India)

Listening to BBC online (after my daily dose of BBCTamil) there is an interesting story coming out of Egypt. It's about Muslim televangelists. Everyone knows how I feel about televangelists, but this may be something different.

The story begins with a young man, attractive, well educated(was an engineer) who is now a TV preacher in Egypt. He says the Sheiks of the 70's and 80's delivered the message of "harram, harram, harram." (forbidden, in arabic, but a more important word for islam).
He realized there was "no message" for the people of his own generation. I have a good friend in Chicago who is an actively practicing muslim and his take on "harram v halal" is that alcohol and pork are forbidden, almost everything else is ok. There are other rules of course, but they are rules of "do" not rules of "don't." DO, prayers everyday. DO, give alms to the poor. DO, strive for justice and respect for life. These are required of islam sure, but rules of "do" sit better with me than rules of "don't."

So, back we come to this young former engineer in Egypt. He is dressed like a pop-star (of sorts) and preaches a message of "love." He has gained an enormous following in Egypt and other Arab states. Interviews have recently been conducted with young muslim girls (teenagers I should properly say) who are out at malls and attending concerts in small groups. They are discussing issues of dating and rules and all sorts of other things. These girls are in some senses adopting the philosophy of my friend in Chicago. They aren't so many things forbidden from them. In fact, the way we generally see things in the west (thanks to our marvelous media, who should resign their rights as journalists...) is that muslims are restricted from everything, especially fun. Sadly, I think that's the way it really is in some of the more radical political states on this side of the globe. However, the new breed of islam is beginning to take hold. Before I get ahead of myself let me say this:

I do not approve of televangelists because they are frauds.

However, I somehow think televangelist may be an unfortunate misnomer for this guy in Egypt. There are hundreds of them to be sure, it's a fast growing sect. What concerns me is that the development of Islam is behind that of Christianity (mostly because Islam is several hundred years younger). In the west, of course, we see that the new breed of Christianity (evangelical christianity) as we call it is not progressive on many issues at all. It simply brings back old views with a modern "spin." Evangelicals are WAY INTO rules of "don't." I hope that this isn't the path on which the new Islam is.

How does this relate to India you may ask? Well, India has over 100 million muslims. In fact, I think there are closer to 200 million living here (Stop having so many damn babies! Can't you see how bad this overpopulation is?). Here, in Southeast India that population is much smaller. Hinduism is far and away the most dominant religion in these parts and Islam is barely bigger (by numbers) than Christianity (sadly of the evangelical variety). Islam here is slightly different than Islam in say Pakistan. I see Muslim women around here quite often with their faces and hair uncovered. That was a real shocker to me. A friend here once pointed to a couple eating dinner at a nearby table and asked me if I could tell they were Muslim. I said they sort of looked like it, but the woman was showing her hair. After they finished eating, she put a scarf back on her hair, but it was loose. She wasn't making a big deal of fully covering everything. Sandals and loose pants underneath her long gown suggested she was simply dressing for the weather and "obeying" religious statutes. The culture here, as I have pointed out before is extremely Tamil. People here are ardent defenders of the traditions and the old ways of life. That means Islam here follows slightly different rules than Islam in northern India.

So what's going on with Islam? I can't say for sure, because I'm not a practitioner, but I can see that with it's influence growing wider and wider in the world, it will be required to begin adapting just like Christianity did over the last several hundred years. If we think of the course of action Christianity has taken, we should partly expect the same from Islam, with a more rapid development due to technology and how quickly we can disseminate information.

Vodka at a Muslim wedding? Sure, why not if you're in Uzbekistan or southern Russia? Completely restrictive laws and no women's rights? Sure, if you're in a radical political state. Ability to function like a normal human being and practice your own religious laws? Sure, if you're Muslim in Singapore. I think the face of Islam will change into many faces so that this extremism will truly be isolated. The anti-revolution of 2079 will reverse the revolution of 1979 when Iran became the first radical religious-political state.

Maybe THIS televangelist isn't so bad as his misnomer leads me to believe... (not yet decided)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I love cricket

It is no surprise to most of you who know me that I'm a sports fanatic. I follow most of the major sports in America (including soccer and lacrosse) at professional and usually at college levels. Over the last two years I picked up an affinity for cricket.

Before, we as Americans go blasting such nancy sports as soccer and cricket, let me point out a few quick things...

To the best of my ability I discern (based on almanacs, online encyclopedias, sports journalism) that the most popular sports in the world are these:

1) Soccer. There is really no competition here. It's even the most played sport in America with something like 10 times the number of recreation leagues of any other sport including baseball...

2) Cricket. It's hard to believe for a country that is completely sports obsessed and we don't even know the rules, but cricket is wildly popular. Think about the popularity of baseball in USA, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Venezuela combined and that is ALMOST the popularity of cricket in India alone. Add to that Bangladesh, Pakistan, and Sri Lanka and this subcontinent has nearly 2 billion fans without even thinking about africa and europe!

3) Basketball. This is completely the result of 1992 dream team. Before that, no one cared about basketball outside the United States. We used to send our college kids to collect our gold medal in the olympics every fourth year. After refereeing blunders in 1972 and 1988 that gave the Soviet Union basketball gold in the olympics the USA decided basketball needed to be a global sport. Actually, that's not how it worked. USA decided to assert itself in basketball and assembled the greatest team that will ever play the game of basketball and we collected our rightful gold medal while trouncing every opponent by an average of more than 33 points.

4) Baseball. We get this because USA, Japan, Korea, (some of China), and some of Latin America is completely gonzo for it. Funny enough, the only two countries that widely play cricket and baseball are Australia and Holland of all places...

5) Here is where things get tricky... Probably Rugby comes here, but it's a toss up between car racing, volleyball, Rugby, tennis, golf, hockey (field, roller, ice) and a few others. It's hard to classify everything.

Now, that being said. Let me give a few words of encouragement about cricket.

International cricket has a long history. That history, however, started in the United States! England can put that in their big ol' colonial pipe and smoke it! USA v. Canada was the first international cricket match 25-27 September 1844 in New York City. See article here (USA v Canada).

I'm very quick to remind my Indian colleagues about this when they make fun of America for not knowing how to play cricket. They can put that in their big ol' over populated south asian pipes and smoke it.

I don't mean to be so aggressive though. Fact of the matter is I actually LIKE cricket. In some sense the test match (that five day long version of it) is the best game in the world. One small mistake can determine a lot of things about the match. You've got to concentrate for a long time! It's like an entire baseball series (4 game) rolled into one match. A draw is a 2-2 split and a win is like a 3-1 split. Or if the second batting team wins by an innings a 4-0 split. I know most Indians are utterly shocked that I know how to play at all, and more shocked when I can hit the ball. I try to explain to them, that I grew up playing baseball, and a baseball is harder to hit. They didn't believe me until another American got to bat in a pick up game. I told him, just think of it like a baseball, but you can move around and hit it backwards if you want. He immediately started hitting the pitches. It is truly the single skill from baseball that translates. On the flip side, guys who can field cricket balls would be amazing fielders in baseball! They don't get to throw to a first baseman who can move. They have to hit a stationary set of wickets which aren't very big to get a man out. Also, they catch without the benefit of big baseball mits.

All told, I'm glad cricket is popular here. If you're into a game with a ton of strategy (baseball doesn't even come close, believe me, it just doesn't) then this is a great game. Turns out, it's a lot of fun to play too! I recommend the following thing for the United States...

After we win World Cup (and we will win it, just a matter of time now) we should concentrate on winning a world cricket tournament. We could win on batting alone! Then after that, we conquer rugby. After that our imperialism should be ended!
Long live cricket! Long live American cricket.

On a final note: Philly cricket. Philly, I'm counting on you to bring back USA cricket into a glorious team sport in America again.

Monday, December 14, 2009

The Freshness of Rain (not so fresh really)

Here in Chennai I'm told the rainy season is nearing its end. This means there is still a short season of rain to deal with. Of course, we're in the tropics which means we'll get a lot of rain all year round, but this being the rainy season it's something to deal with much more frequently. I've been unquestionably lucky with respect to my experience with the rain. Most of the time it rains over night and cools off the morning. If it rains during the day then I'm usually inside working in my office or just moving between two buildings which are close by and most of the walkway is shaded by huge palm tress soaking up all that delicious rain for themselves. Last night's rains gave me a lot more to think about.

I've noticed that when it rains, drivers in chennai are not afraid to splash all that muck underneath their tires right up on you. Bastards. I think that somehow falls under the rules of driving which is a post I'm still thinking about, there are a lot of unwritten rules and I'm trying to figure them out (at least half of them).

Forget the asshole drivers, what was most noticeable to me this morning was the smell of rain. In all my life, the morning after a rain (and during a rain) has in one way or another brought freshness to the air. Rain is, of course, water (in big cities usually mixed with some wonderful chemical offshoots and is highly acidic) which is heavy. Rain knocks down things such as smoke and smog. Go to some big city situated in a valley immediately after some heavy rainfall (duly noted this is rare) and you will see the surrounding area in a new way. The surrounding hills and mountains will be visible in a way you hadn't seen since the last rain. Rain brings a freshness. Growing up in the mountains I love the immediate after rain. In the spring, the morning dew is so soft and everything smells fresh and crisp.

Here in Chennai I've been ready for some fresh, crisp smells.

NO
SUCH
LUCK
HERE

I walked toward the train and I smelled old stale smells. The piss and feces that sit on the side of the street all day in sun get dried out by the hot sun. The rain wets them again (and does the opposite of whetting my appetite). The walk to the train this morning produced all the bad smells which I've learned to ignore in some sense. Everything just smelled foul. Oh my many Gods, rain is supposed to be refreshing. UGH! My olfactory senses have been attacked in a way I hope isn't repeated soon.

A few more phunny photos

Funny, all I see parked here are cycles and two-wheelers

Can you guess what you CAN'T get here? Yeah, no beer in this "saloon"

Annoucing one's religion is important around here. Sadly, Samuel never had a gospel...

NO OTIS! You'll shoot your eye out!



ARR! I needs me Rum!

Spazio Leather Shop you say?

I had no idea I'd been spelling "bananaa" wrong for so many years

Another random "drinking liquor killed the dinosaurs" type sign about a mile from the closest bar.

What am I doing here?

NYC is spacious, this is crowded

In India, there is simply no escape from huts and hutments. Little dwellings where a lot of people live. I walk by this little hut everyday (twice) and I see a lot of people here. I started counting. One day I counted 14 people going in and out of the hut. These are not just visitors either. These people don't get a lot of visitors as I understand it. I also see them sleeping in or around this hut.

Amongst the educated crowds here in India, overpopulation is a popular topic. The well educated (as I'd mentioned before) do not believe that India's population is an asset but a huge detriment that will cause severe starvation problems and overall resource issues. They know (as well as we all do) getting this many people clean water, edible food, education, employment, and all other necessities of a "first world" country is simply impossible. It is sometimes a sad scene. I am, however, perpetually amazed at the conditions in which 100s of millions of people not only live, but are willing to live with. Be sure to note, many of the slum dwellers have moved from villages to the big city to have a better shot at economic stability...
People move TO THE SLUMS because (they believe) it is a better life.

On a quick side note, I've seen the small villages in the middle of India. The living there is tough, but people have what they need; food, clothing, shelter, and not much else, but they have enough to survive. I do not believe the same can be said for slum dwellers in India's megacities. (that's an opinion, but I think well founded)

At least 14 people live here.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Crazy trees

Here is one clue that I'm not in Kansas anymore! In a lot of ways while I'm at work here I feel just like I could be in any math department around the world. I really like my colleagues and the institute itself is amazing. I quite like the job. It's all the other stuff that's difficult for me to deal with.

That being said, I keep noticing these BIZARRE looking trees. They grow up quickly and start sprouting roots from the branches. Those roots descend back to the earth and start growing into the ground. The process continues until you have an enormous grove of tress which in fact is just one tree. Just hope that you don't have to uproot them...

I think these trees are really beautiful (a nice contrast to the trash generall surrounding them).

I mentioned to one of my friends that these tress are metaphors for different branches of knowledge. It all starts with some single root and observation, from there things branch out, and eventually something takes root nearby. It's a different root, but related, soon enough you have 1000s of these new ideas sprouting everywhere. He wasn't so sure about it, but I thought it was kind of appropriate given that we were on one of Asia's premier engineering campuses...


Without further ado, here are some pictures taken from the IIT campus.











I should finally mention, the roots are strong enough to support fun and games. Here, my friend can be seen swinging from the descending roots. These particular roots were probably 25 ft long! Strong, strong roots! Like Kudzu, but pretty.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Some Photos from Month One

I realize that I haven't posted a lot of the fun photos I've taken so far. This is just a random assortment of funny photos that I've taken in my first month here. Hope you enjoy!

The Outside gate of my apartment

This is a fairly common scene. Barnyard type animals all over the streets. No surprise here. I was just a little shocked that this chicken was so into digging whatever it was it let me get just a few feet away for the picture.

Outside a beautiful concert hall

There were probably 100 blessing designs all over the ground near this concert hall. Sitting out in front was a Buddha statue in a man-made pond with flower petals adorning the surface of the water. This was probably the best looking design I saw on the ground that night.

You that saying about how indian food always looks gross...

I was walking by this with my friend and I started laughing hysterically. He did not understand the joke. He told me "homely means homestyle." I told him "homely means ugly, and homey means homestlye." Either way it's fitting. "Amma" funny enough is the Tamil word meaning "yes" and if you elongate the second 'a' to "ammaa" it means "mother." Somehow it works no matter how you read it...

This is a house of a very famous Indian dancer

Not much more to say here. Number 1 Elliot's Beach Road. It's a famous performance space.

What he did after Clinton left office...

Monica Lewinsky drove him all the way to South India.