Malvern Hills

On our last day in Stourport-on-Severn our hosts asked whether we'd like to go see Birmingham or "hike" up Malvern Hills. My decision basically boiled down to the fact that I think of Birmingham, England like I think of Houston, Texas. They are both big cities with all the big city things, but nothing particularly special about either of them. Sure, Birmingham has shopping malls (no interest to me), sports teams, big confusing motorways, restaurants, pubs, theater, etc... But so too does Manchester, Newcastle, and every other big city in England. I voted for going to "hike." It should noted that our hosts commented on the fact that Malvern Hills are essentially that, hills. They are not really mountains and it only takes about an hour or so to climb up. There are, however, five peaks and so one could spend several hours bopping around from peak to peak catching some gorgeous views. It should also be noted, that this, being England, has a restaurant and pub at the top of the initial walkway just a few hundred feet from one of the summits. This place is called St. Anne's well. Supposedly it is holy, but I'm not sure to whom. It doesn't seem like a very Anglican thing to have holy water coming from a spring out of the side of a mountain, but it seems overtly catholic. Nonetheless, we got there about 4:30PM and the restaurant closes at 4PM, so we hiked onward and upward. Our views were damped significantly by clouds, but I repeat myself. This is, of course, England. Rain is expected everyday for the next 30 years until further notice. The weather forecast had said Wednesday was supposed to be sunny, but I knew better than to believe that. I take a much more Markovian view of the weather.

We started up one direction and some fellow "hikers" with guitars headed another direction. While we were taking a short break a discussion broke out as to how far Edinburgh, Scotland is from Birmingham, England. I guessed 200 miles, my host told me much further than that, probably 300 or 350. The "hikers" sitting near us ventured guesses each of 400 miles and 500 miles. Honestly people... The United Kingdom is not THAT big. I realized that I had completely underestimated the size of the UK. Much in the same way that many Europeans underestimate the size of the United States. Anyway, I looked it up and it's 246.02 miles give or take a few. Go figure, I was the winner (at least by price is right rules).

As we parted ways, one the hikers who'd been sitting next to us lit up a cigarette. I thought it was a bit odd, but after a moments whiff, I realized it wasn't tobacco, and things came much more into perspective. England seems to be much more relaxed about marijuana and much more uptight about driving.

We made it up to one peak and it was gorgeous. Forget the clouds, it really was a beautiful sight. We sat up at the top, had some snacks and it was actually cold at the top. The wind was relatively unobstructed and thus greatly affected the temperature gradient where we were. I can't name all the towns we saw from the top, but it reminded me once again of East Tennessee. There are certainly fewer hills here, but off in the distance you can make out a blue hue to the ground and rolling hills. I tried explaining briefly to my hosts what the blue ridge parkway is, but we were interrupted by some lamb and sheep in view on the next hill over. We finished our snacks and made our way over the the next hill to meet and greet (not meat) the animals only to find they were encapsulated by a very large electric fence (on which one should not whiz). Luckily, there is a gate with a posting saying, you are more than welcome to enter and hike up to the top, talk to the animals, etc. so long as you shut the gate behind you. We entered and attempted to pet the "cute little animals." They were having none of it. Every time any of us approached, they just scooted further along up the hill, leaving behind a patch of grass and another pile of lamb droppings. It was honestly like a mine field up there, but the consequences were much less severe. More like a shit storm. Anyway, after snapping a few record photos we were all cold and decided to head back down to the closest pub. Did I mention I love this country?

Heading down, was a lot more difficult than going up because of the stress on the knees. The views were still phenomenal, and coming down we were met by thousands upon thousands of ferns and bright purple flowers. Funny the only colors I can remember are green (really bright green), blue, brown, and purple. I suppose there were a few berry trees with a scant amount of red, but it was a somewhat unusual color combination, at least to my mind.

I'm glad we took the route of "hiking" rather than seeing Birmingham. I'm sure I'll make another trip back this way in the future, and hang out in Birmingham a bit more, but for now, I'm more pleased to have seen the scenery.