The Best Advice I've Gotten

Pondicherry is known for several things as I have mentioned several times. I think the most important thing though for westerners who aren't interested in eastern spirituality is the tax free sale of alcohol. This gives rise to westerners who live around Tamil Nadu coming to pondy to purchase their booze and take it back to TN. The problem is that TN is an extremely conservative state. The interstate transport of alcohol is forbidden. Of course, the penalty is that one has to surrender his alcohol if caught and probably pay a baksheesh. Well friends I have been privy to the method for getting around this problem.

It is a somewhat well known and easily recognized fact that foreigners (goras = white people) are far more likely to unwittingly bring back booze across state lines (pondy is actually a federal territory, but no matter). So when on a train at the Pondy/TN border trains and buses are often stopped and police search the trains. Who is the first target? You guessed it, the gora! If they see your bottle and want it they can take it. Perhaps you say, "But I was bringing it back for a friend." Too bad, you lose your liquor and probably a couple hundred rupes. What's the secret to not losing your cheaply purchased low quality hooch? Well, simply crack the seal, remove some it (generally by taking a swig) and replace the cap. Stash the bottle in your bag and be on your merry (merrier than before even) way.

What happens in this case is, if you get stopped proclaim, "this bottle is mine." Once the seal is cracked, it's HIGHLY unlikely that this will be smuggler's goods. This is simply an alcoholics personal beverage. Again, let me restate the fact that around these parts, a person who consumes liquor is automatically considered an alcoholic. So, no one wants to buy your partly consumed cheap low quality hooch and you get to keep it, because it's part of your luggage!

I learned this by the way from an Englishman who's been in this part of the world for eight or nine years and has had his drinking privileges revoked forcibly by state border control more than once. He discovered this secret, shared it with me, and off I went. I simply cracked the seal transferred part into another container (without actually drinking any of it) and hid the second container. Easy, peasy, japanesey!

Computer Juice

I don't exactly know what to say about this, but it seemed noteworthy at the time:

Um?

Part of the drink menu at a south indian cuisine stand.

How much RAM is in this?

It's basically a milkshake with grapes and other berries. I wonder if it's good for memory or speed or telepathy.

Be careful which bus you choose!

After what I would consider a successful trip by myself to a foreigners haven in south India I had to actually return back to Chennai. The train seems mildly complicated as there are no direct Thursday trains from Pondy to Chennai. I would have to take a train about 25 miles out then catch another train at that junction (villapuram) back to chennai. Lots of delays, etc. It's hard to tell what time one would get home.

I had spent the afternoon sitting in a coffee shop owned by a woman from brooklyn with a man who lives in Chennai and is working in Pondy this week. He's from Washington, DC, but has been in India a couple of years now. He told me to simply catch the express bus via ECR (east coast road) back to Chennai. It's cheap and something like a 3+ hour bus ride with only a couple stops. To add to the benefits of taking the express bus, the second stop in Chennai is at the train station just below my office. I could hop a bus, hop a train and in no time be back at the apartment.

I ask how far the bus terminus is. It's about a kilometer from the coffee shop. I set out on foot, bottle of crappy brandy in the bag and everything. I'm not exactly ready to leave the relaxed atmosphere of the French quarter of Pondy, but I suppose I should go back to my place of employment. I find the bus terminus just where I was told it would be. It's another zoo and I'm completely confused. Announcements, no way. Proper signage, not exactly. Way too many people, you bet! Pollution, tea and coffee stands, a traffic nightmare, hostile surroundings, BIG TIME! So I wander around for a little while and make my way to the chennai bus stand. I'm told I don't need to buy a ticket in advance, the bus goes every 15-20 minutes 24 hours a day. SWEET! I can come and go when I please. So I hope the next bus to Chennai.

What's this? It's not the express bus. I guess my first clue should have been that the fare was too cheap. I paid Rs 55 for the ticket back home. We set out with a gora (me) and a lot of Indians. We hit East Coast Road and I think, alright, on the way back to Chennai, where I'll feel uncomfortable again. Then we immediately veer off ECR and into the bushes. I have NO IDEA where we are. We make a stop, and another stop and another and another and more people keep crowding on. At some point before we even get to the TN state line two kids jump on the train and bring four BIG boxes labeled "goods." They jump off paying nothing and collecting no money. Crowded and more crowded. We reach the TN state line. This however is not like coming home through Sam's Gap or down through Cumberland Gap or up through Chattanooga, this is the jungle. We start riding through the jungle. People jump on, they jump off, they are all paying different fares. Squeezing in more tightly than I'm comfortable with. I completely certain the weight limit of the bus is exceeded at one point since there are at least 25 people that I can count standing with all the seats taken two and three and four to a seat.

To make a long story short, NOT THE EXPRESS BUS! I somehow managed to get on the wrong bus when I was standing at the express bus stand! What the hell happened? Well, it took nearly 5 hours to get back to Chennai. When we got to Chennai, we were going to the Bus terminus there. I don't know where the bus terminus is. I refused to get off the bus until I recognized something or I was kicked off. I was kicked off.

I should mention, that I haven't eaten in 9 hours because the bus doesn't have snacks like the train does. I should also mention, there is no latrine. I should also mention that no a single solitary word of English was spoken on the whole trip. I should also mention I had to urinate worse by the end of that bus ride than I have ever had to urinate in all my life!

I had to catch another rickshaw home because I wasn't within walking distance of the train. The rickshaw driver explained to me we were 22 km from where I wanted to go and that it was 10 Rs/km. He is right about the 10 Rs/km. He completely lied about the 22 km. Mosquito! I had agreed to pay him 250 to take me directly to my apartment. Of course, he didn't know where my apartment was, he had to stop and ask directions. My stomach is hurting now having not eaten in 10 hours and the roads he drives over are particularly terrible to deal with in a rickshaw whose shock absorbers haven't seen service since the factory floor.

In the end, be careful which bus you choose!

Beach: Take 2

Part of my mission to Pondicherry this week was to go lounge on the beach. Sip coconut milk straight from a coconut, get a small tan, and swim in the Bay of Bengal. At least down in Pondicherry it's "clean." Well, here's a small sampling of the beach view:

The Gandhi Statue

Perhaps the second most visited tourist thing in Pondicherry (the most is almost certainly Auroville, I have no interest in it yet). I tried to get out my camera and BOOM I was bombarded kids selling every manner of trinket that I never wanted to buy. So I got my one picture and got the hell out of there. I had to get the other picture of myself with the Gandhi statue the next morning.

Seaside

This was a bit disappointing. The only person I saw even try to go into the ocean was an Indian man who was trying to bathe. He got in there and nestled himself into a big crevice in some of the rocks. A big wave came and knocked him against more rocks as his footing wasn't very good. He couldn't have weighted more than 120 lbs (~54 kg) and so the water just overwhelmed him. Maybe not the best bath he'd ever had. I didn't really want my head slammed into rocks while attempting to body surf.

Necessitated by huge rocks

Oh well, you can't win 'em all. It seems like in India you can't win many of them. It's almost like I started identical to the New Jersey Nets this season...

Instead of the Kingfisher Penguin in Chennai

I don't know if it's a fascination with round animals or what, but I'm telling you, this whole use an animal to collect trash doesn't work very well in India (at least the India I've seen so far). Pondicherry did just pass a no littering act, but I can tell you, it isn't enforced, nor is it enforceable.

Strangely, I'm reminded of a Bill Withers song

I'm gonna spread the news, that if it feels this good being used, you just keep on usin' me... Until you use me up.

Feeling like a local for a night

The most touristy thing I did in Pondicherry
(Yes, that is a statue of Gandhi in the background...)



Pondicherry was once a French colony. I think it is important to note the past tense clause here. Now, Pondicherry is another Indian town (which many say is by far the most corrupt in Indian for reasons I shall discuss later) with a French quarter. Well, I went there to escape India for a day, so I went directly to the French quarter! I passed GO! I collected my $200 and hung out in the french quarter for a full 24 hours. As soon as the train arrived into the station I hired a cab and told him to take me to a nice restaurant, a nice french restaurant. He asked me where I'm coming from I said I live in Chennai. That was key. I did my little spiel in Tamil and he was overjoyed to take me to the good restaurant. He dropped me off at a place called Rendevous. If that doesn't scream French, then "How ya doin'" doesn't scream Philly. So I gladly go up to a beautiful little rooftop restaurant in the palm branch shade and proceed to order the most expensive lunch I've had in India. I paid THIRTEEN DOLLARS. What the hell is that matter with me? That's more than a full day's wages. Who cares, I needed some spoiling. I had a fresh avocado and tomato salad with olive oil, fish and chips, and a big bottle of Carlsberg.
(I should mention, that Carlsberg is not much of an improvement over Kingfisher, but it has good sentimental value from my days in Atlanta.)

I was sitting by myself and a German woman was sitting by herself next to me, so we decided lunch at a cafe should be more social and we joined at a table and had a pleasant lunch. She happened to be staying at some Ashram outside of the city because it was cheap. I was there to drink and sit on the beach and drink tea and not do any religious type stuff. We said our goodbyes and in total southern indian style there was not even an introductory handshake, in fact there were no introductions at all, just lunchtime small talk. But it was nice to have a relaxed lunch in that way.

On to the next mission: sitting at a bar enjoying myself like normal. I decided to just walk around to see what was going on. I didn't have a hotel or anything, so I walked up the beach (wherein there is no swimming or any beach like activities allowed not even BB guns!). I turned a corner when I saw a book shop, but got distracted en route by a bar. An englishman was sitting there and I knew I'd come to the right place. He was simply a patron, but a friend of the owner who was eating lunch and so he got me a beer himself. We chatted for quite some time and during that time (wednesday mid afternoon) an australian, a german, and another english bloke showed up. I was told in the evenings there is a very nice bar on the roof. So I paid for my drinks thanked the gentlemen and found a hotel. Super sexy posh boutique hotel called the Richmond. I splurged and spent about $60 on the room. In Indian money that's 5 days wages. I took a nap, ate dinner at a fancy "asian" restaurant. I thought that was a bit unusual to have a restaurant labeled as Asian here in south asia, but I just go with the fact that I don't know anything about anything and enjoy the meal.

After dinner I headed back to my afternoon digs and climb up to the roof to find a bevy of foreigners! I sat down with one of the englishmen from earlier in the afternoon with a crew of his mates; two Danes and a Canadian. Had a normal evening type conversation and went "late" into the night. We left at closing. By that I mean to say we got our asses kicked the hell out at a quarter of 11. That was the most disappointing part, but hey I felt like a local for a while. The Englishmen both live in Pondicherry now and informed me this is the only bar of this style in Pondicherry of which they're aware. So I found a real winner just by putzing around. That made me feel even more local. I was asked to come back the next night, but alas I'd decided to return to Chennai to get back to work the next day. I'm still asking myself why...

Train Stories

I had to get out of Chennai for a couple days. I wanted a good beer. I wanted a beach.

Mission 1) Success
Mission 2) Fail
Mission 3) Fail

So let's start at the beginning of the trip. I was looking for trains to get down to Pondicherry, the local drinking and beach resort town which has it's own independent government. Tamil Nadu laws don't apply to Pondicherry, so they sell liquor very cheap and with no tax. Problem is, the buses go there often, but the trains don't. There are very few direct trains from Chennai to Pondicherry. I went searching and found one. Wednesday morning at 9:35 AM a train from Chennai to Pondicherry with only two stops. Every other day there are something like 15 stops for the single train going to Pondy. Of course, now that I know, it's fairly easy to get down there. Catch a train to Villapuram Junction and go from villapuram to Pondy. It's pretty easy and the waiting time won't be much. So I went for it. Wednesday morning, take the train by myself and go as far south as I've ever been on this globe (12 degrees north of the equator, pathetic I know, but I'm working on it).

I paid Rs. 62 for a train ticket that took me on a 100+ mile journey. I can't be totally sure, but that's a good price no matter how you look at it. Although, in some ways you get what you pay for. I asked for a ticket for a sleeper car because they are (supposedly) much more comfortable and the ticket price in nearly triple, which by the way means it still costs almost nothing. I was told there were no sleeper cars or first class or second class, only general cars. Apparently this was incorrect as I was sent all the way to the front of the train to ride directly behind the engine. When, oh when will you learn clark that no one EVER checks train passes? I could have walked onto a sleeper car for free and no one would have said anything.

As it is, I, being an American, abide by rules and regulations of traveling and sat in the crap seats. From the moment I boarded the fun began. Multiple guys up and down the train with snacks and goodies. Chai, coffee, samosas with chilies, idlis, and packaged snacks started coming with some rapidity. After the train got moving everyone sat down for a few minutes. The express train has only two "stops" at other train stations so those are the only times for vendors to jump on and off and offer their goods. In the meantime, there are several stops for red lights. I was confused by this for a little while. Cars, trucks, buses, motorcycles, bikes, pedestrians do not yield to traffice lights, but trains...
Well, I found out what was going on later. There is only one set of tracks and there are short areas of the track in which trains can get out of the way of each other. The wonders of physics in which momentum plays a large role...

Similar to the local trains in Chennai the doors on the cross country trains are open most of the trip. It's really amazing to stand at the door with a train going 60 km/hr and watching the truly amazing landscapes as you go by. Here is a smattering of pictures and personal comments:


Desert

I expected nothing but tropical paradise all the way from a tropical city to another tropical city, but low and behold just a few miles inland from the bay of Bengal what do I see? Why of course, a desert.

Picking Sugar Cane

This picture was taken at one of our several red light stops. We were stopped for about 20 minutes at this time. A lot of people just off the train to go urinate in the bushes (despite having a latrine on the train). This time though, they found sugar cane. These guys just jumped out, pissed, picked up some sugar cane stalks, came back to the train and started snacking on someone else's crops.



Hand Dug Irrigation Ditches

This was some of the starkest imagery left in my mind from the brief trip. I missed several good pictures, but the bright green section in the middle with low rising plants is a rice field. All the way down to Pondicherry there are fields and fields full of rice with little villages made of palm branch huts. It's clear that the system of growing rice is tedious and time consuming. There isn't much farming equipment to say the least so all of these (literally thousands of) ditches must be dug by hand. It looks like terrible work just to survive. I somehow think I'd move a few miles east and live off coconuts, papayas, pineapples, and the plethora of other tropical fruits growing naturally all year round. But that's just me. I can't imagine trying to live like this.

Eastern Ghats Mountains

I think these are the foothills of the Eastern Ghats Mountains. They are beautiful. I intend at some point to see Nagarhole National Park. I think however, that's in the Western Ghats Mountains. Simply gorgeous.

Clean Trains

I refer back to my post on "a quick lesson in tidyness."

Chops are Back plus more Rickshaw stories

I'm accustomed to having my facial hair styled with mutton chops or lamb chops or whatever you call them. I've been wearing them most of the time since I was a sophomore in college (which would be 9 years or so ago). Recently I've taken to wearing the beard. Here in India the beard isn't terribly uncommon, but the chops, oh my!

I figured after my final bout with registration in which I look like a normal citizen with a nicely trimmed beard I'd go back to the "usual" look. Let me tell you...

If I wasn't acquiring stares before, I sure as hell am now! I must've gotten 10 questions about them today at the institute alone. I went out for dinner tonight with a friend and the stares were constant. I guess I have nothing left to do but to smile at everyone I catch staring. I've noticed something wonderful about the people here. When they smile, they smile big. Maybe, with all the lessons I've learned about India the most important is that moderation doesn't exist here. Smiles are radiant. I figure it's in my best interest to smile as widely as I can and greet the big smiles with the big smile I have of my own. I'm going to get stares either way so I might as well get them on my terms.

This evening as I was coming back to the campus with my friend we decided to jump in a shared auto. That is a rickshaw in which a bunch of people jump in and out and the rate is cheaper. At least the rate is cheaper for Tamils. We jumped out about a kilometer from our starting point. My friend pays the driver 10 Rs and we start walking. The driver yelling at him comes over to us and confronts my friend. He gets one of his little minions to speak in the mother tongue (Hindi) of my friend and explains that the fair is not enough. So we start walking again. My friend explains then after more yelling that this is the rate he pays everytime for two people. The driver then shows his fist and grabs my friend's backpack. I wasn't too worried about the whole thing because my friend actually knows how to fight and I'm a huge monster in comparison to everyone around. The driver would've sustained one of the worst beatings of his life (and not at my hands either, although I might have contributed some...). My friend gives him an extra 10 Rs. Are you kidding me! The driver was willing to risk a fight for 10 Rs! What a jackass! I was under the impression my friend had shorted him something like 50 Rs. But over a matter of 10 Rs. nothing is worth that aggression. Nothing in the world is worth that aggression. For those of you playing along at home, 10 Rs is $0.20. Also, I should mention after the COLA (cost of living adjustment) 10 Rs. only comes to about $1. Although, as my roommate told me in the very beginning of my stay:
"It's not about a matter of 2 Rs. versus 4 Rs. It's about the fact that everyone else gets the rate of 2 Rs. and I have to pay 4 Rs. That's simply not fair."

And here we are again tonight, I'm the westerner. I'm big and look strange and now have strange facial hair, so my friend ends up having to deal with the threats of some guy who is willing to get his sorry ass beaten over 10 Rs. because I'm not a local and he knows it. Argh! Now it's late and I'm at the office as the trains have stopped running. Tomorrow I'm off to Pondicherry in search of good french food and reasonable selection of alcohol and an honest beach in which I can simply wear swim trunks and swim (no bb guns, no fish fry, no ganesha sweet american corn, just a beach).